Several months ago, a group of educators came to tour the school I have the privilege of leading—Odyssey Leadership Academy
They walked the halls, sat in on classes, talked with students, and observed the general flow of the day
At the end, during our wrap up Q&A, they asked a question that stuck with me
“How do you get your students to be so kind to each other?”
I loved that they took that sense of communal kindness away from their experience with us!
But my answer was a tough one:
You have to make that your priority
You have to make community your highest good
And that is something I think is hard for schools in the traditional model to do as well as they would like, even when they would like to do it well
I’ve written about this many times throughout this newsletter, but the deep answer is that you have to work hard to create schools that operate as communities of care, mattering, and belonging
Before we tackle how to create a culture of kindness, we have to address the very real crisis of loneliness impacting our students:
Cigna U.S. Loneliness Index shows that young adults are now the loneliest generation of Americans, more disconnected and isolated even than elderly
A study published in July 2021 found that twice as many adolescents experience loneliness today as they did 10 years ago
16- to 24-year-olds are nearly twice as lonely as those over 75: 40% compared to only 27%
Loneliness accounts for far higher numbers of depression, substance abuse, and, tragically, suicide attempts
According to studies by the CDC, adolescents who say they lack authentic connections to others are significantly more likely to report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, consider suicide, or attempt suicide by almost double in every category
This is the research we take seriously and that guides us in how we shape what we mean by “education” at OLA
When we only see students as test scores and GPAs, we miss entirely the reality that they are also emotional, relational, social, communal creatures that bring that full embodied self into our schools
Creating environments that only honor their computational skills and not their richest humanity robs them (and us) of the opportunity to meet their deep needs in their most critical years of formation
Far too many schools and school leaders believe that only academics matter, and that, if you focus on other things (like making sure every kid feels seen, heard, valued, and valuable) you take away or distract from the “real” purpose of schooling: to learn stuff.
But at OLA, we have proven that you can care for kids as your highest priority and still get them into the top colleges on significant scholarships
It’s not either / or
It’s both / and
It may be true that our students need to read Mark Twain, conjugate verbs, factor trinomials, understand the Pythagorean Theorem, memorize the state capitols, and write well-formed five paragraph essays
But it is essential that they feel seen, heard, cared for, valued, and valuable
Schools whose North Star is the flourishing of the students in their care understand that their primary role is to create communities of care and belonging where every student has a place and each one knows that they matter
That is, they must see students not as brains on sticks requiring only content absorption and consumption
But as fully integrated persons, consisting certainly of intellectual capacity (IQ), but also as persons of emotional, psychological, relational, moral, and communal capacity as well
The research is very clear on this: the difference between a student making it and not often comes down to knowing that there is one caring person in their life, one person who believes in them, sees them, knows their name, and is always glad they came.
That is why we have chosen to be a place that intentionally pursues kindness as a cardinal virtue at OLA
So how do we do it? How do we create a culture of kindness at our school?
We do it very intentionally, recognizing that there are no small moments when it comes to caring for students
We start by greeting them by name at the door when they come into school and when they come into our classrooms
As the Executive Director of our school, I make it a point to be at the front door during drop off and pick up so our families see me as the person to whom they are trusting their child, and so I can interact with students from the very first moment they enter the building
I make it a point as best I can to not be in my office, on my computer, or in a meeting during those times
I see drop off and pick up as a sacred moment for me to interact with students
I ask them about their weekend, cheer for them on their birthdays, celebrate their drama performance or football game…all to let them know they matter to me and to us
From there, we transition not into classes but into Mentor Time: a time of community where every student has a place, knows they matter, and believes they belong
We carve out the first forty five minutes of each day (from 8:30-9:15) for Mentor Time to spend it in relationship with students
That often looks like playing volleyball, putting puzzles together, going to get donuts, and drinking lots of coffee, but starting the day in community communicates to students that they matter far more than their schoolwork
It is also a time where we can check in with them, ask how they are doing in classes and in life, and really listen to the deep needs of their lives
It is because of Mentor Time that we are able to really get to know our students and see if something feels “off” enough to touch base with them and/or reach out to parents
Mentor Time has afforded us the chance to listen to why James might be a little more quiet this week or why Noel hasn’t quite been himself. It is the bond and the glue to our entire operation, and every staff member, myself included, understands this is the real reason why we exist as an educational institution
At Odyssey, we take seriously the opportunity, privilege, and responsibility we have to the well-being of the students in our care, and we do whatever it takes to see that they know and believe in their marrow that they are welcomed and accepted into a community of people who are so very glad they are there.
That belief informs and guides everything we do at OLA, and is what creates the culture of kindness those visitors experienced
***Now, I do want to say: we certainly have moments where we have to step in and regulate and course correct when situations arise that are unkind and unacceptable, but by and large, our students govern themselves in that regard…often bringing concerns related to cracks in the relational community straight to us so that we can get back to being a kind community
For more on Odyssey Leadership Academy, check out this student made video:
Transforming schools into communities of kindness does take work, but there is no work more vital, more necessary, more urgent, or more sacred that we are called to as educators.
Creating a culture of genuine and authentic kindness is possible!
It takes work and deliberation but it is doable
If I can help you in any way, just let me know!
Blessings on the journey
Scott
Need a resource to help guide you as you shape the culture of your school?
The Flourishing School Leader Field Guide is your essential guide to leading with vision, hope, and humanity—without losing yourself in the process. Blending practical tools with soul-nourishing reflection, this resource equips school leaders to thrive personally and professionally. Inside, you’ll find self-assessments, thought provoking practices, mini-retreat guides, and proven strategies to rekindle passion, restore purpose, and create an ecosystem of trust and flourishing in your school community.
Drawing from over 30 years in education, Dr. Scott Martin—award-winning school leader, coach, consultant, and thought leader—brings hard-earned wisdom, global perspective, and a deep belief in the power of human-centered leadership. As founder of Odyssey Leadership Academy and the Odyssey Center for Transformative Schooling, Dr. Martin has guided leaders and schools worldwide toward innovation, transformation, and sustainable well-being.
Whether you’re feeling inspired and want to sustain your momentum—or exhausted and in need of renewal—this field guide is your companion for leading with courage, clarity, and care.
