“The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated” William James

There is nothing so powerful as being seen.

As knowing you matter.

It is the greatest craving we have, our most primal need, what Dale Carnegie calls the “gnawing and unfaltering human hunger”.

In fact, “mattering” is so important, it has become its own field of study, related to psychological well being and positive mental health.

Mattering is believing that you make a difference in the world around you, that you make a difference to someone else.

Gorden Flett of York University in Ontario, author of The Psychology of Mattering: Understanding the Human Need to Be Significant (2018), puts it this way:

“There is no other construct that gets at people’s need to feel valued and seen by as as important as mattering”.

“Mattering” is not only important for one’s sense of identity and mental well-being; research shows it also plays an important role in one’s physical health as well.

Studies found that those with a lower sense of “mattering” suffered from higher blood pressure and higher obesity.

And feeling that you do not matter is linked to higher levels of violence and homicide.

Research shows that “mattering is a fundamental human need and its lack can have extremely tragic consequences, including physical harm against oneself and others”.

Indeed, a wide array of studies have found that feeling you don’t matter can lead to a host of tragic acts.

A study of 1,500 violent offenders concluded that “the use of violence can be in part predicted by a set of conditions that evoke a common psychological state of personal insignificance”.

Why Mattering Matters for Schools

This concept of “mattering” is a crucial one when we link it to the tragic level of self-harm, harm to others, addiction, depression, and suicide rates facing today’s adolescents.

Far, far too many students report feeling they are not seen, valued, heard or that anyone cares about them.

Research from the Gates Foundation states that one of the top reasons students drop out and give up on school is because they feel that no one cares about them, that they do not matter. “There wasn’t anybody to keep me there” was a common refrain heard from students who dropped out, many with less than two years to graduate.

Clemson University psychologist Robin Kowalksi, who studies teenagers’ posts on Reddit’s “Suicide Watch” page, cites that about half of students report feeling they do not matter or that no one cares about them.

Studies done by the Harvard Graduate School of Education found that 61% of young adults say they feel “seriously alone” and about 50% surveyed said no one had taken more than a few minutes to ask how they were doing in a way that made them feel genuinely seen and cared for (“Loneliness in America”).

And this study states that up to 30% of American teenagers do not feel that they matter to anyone.

As one researcher put it:

If there is a “crisis of mattering”, there’s reason to believe it’s worst among the young

The teenage years are especially vulnerable to feeling and believing you do not matter.

They are years marked by identity fluctuation, big emotions, hormonal changes, life transitions, uncertain social dynamics, and deep insecurities.

Not feeling you matter in the midst of all of that is like an earthquake that never seems to end.

It is long past time we educators recognize that mattering matters

Students in our schools are literally crying out to know they matter, to have someone tell them they are valued and valuable, to know at least one person cares that they exist.

There is a hunger, a craving, in all of us to know we belong, and that is especially true for the students in our schools who are working through new identities, new social groups, and new interpersonal dynamics as they seek to find their place in this world.

As one researcher states it: “Social non-existence is horrifying”

“The sensation of feeling utterly diminished and belittled, to the point that you sense you don’t matter, is a psychologically devastating experience”.

Schools, administrators, and teachers who only discuss students as grades and test scores miss the deep longing students have to know they matter.

When all of our professional development, faculty inservice, and teacher preparation centers around only acknowledging our students as test scores, there is little wonder they do not feel cared for in school.

Students, like all of us, are hardwired to belong. As much as they may put up an aloof front, they are deeply longing to know they matter, to know that they are seen, to know that someone (anyone) cares about them.

That is why schools MUST go out of their way to create communities of belonging within an ecosystem of mattering.

What does an ecosystem of mattering look like?

Research shows that simply noticing students makes a massive difference.

Things like greeting students at the front door of the school, calling them by name as they enter the classroom, telling them you are glad they are there.

Remembering their birthday, shouting them out for their performance in band or drama, smiling at them in the hall.

Dale Carnegie says that there is nothing we connect with more than the sound of our own name. Calling on students in class by name, acknowledging a wise comment or insightful answer, praising them for something they did uniquely well. These all go a long way towards helping students know they matter

Showing up is also important. This is why it is important for administrators and teachers to show up at students’ extracurricular activities. To go to the Friday night football game. To watch the school play. To cheer for the JV track team. To be present at the school talent show.

Being there for students when they are outside your classroom communicates to them that they matter to you as a fully robust human being, not just a letter grade in their class.

Creating daily mentoring programs is another way to let students know they have a community that is excited to see them each and every day. Daily intentional communities of belonging allow students to feel they are valued beyond the test score and worksheet. That who they are, not just what they know, is what matters. It gives them a place where everybody knows their name and everyone is glad they came (HERE is how we do that at Odyssey Leadership Academy).

Finally, a major way to let students know they matter is to communicate home to parents how much you value their student.

Most parents (and students) are conditioned to only receive communication home when a student does something wrong, is late with work, or is in trouble.

Calling or emailing home to praise and celebrate a student shouts value. It lets families know you partner with them in the work of shaping a healthy human being. It encourages and uplifts both the student and parent. It rewards the Good we see in students and calls them up to the better angels of their nature. It is a small thing that echoes for years in the life of a student.

These are small things that play a major role in letting students know they matter.

And school administrators: “Mattering” matters for teachers as well.

It is just as valuable and important for school administrators to let their faculty and staff know how much they matter.

A card or cupcake on a birthday, a note of gratitude in their mailbox, a gift card to a local coffeeshop, telling them “I just want you to know that you are doing great” carries tremendous weight in shaping a culture of “mattering”.

Feeling seen, valued, and valuable is every bit as important to employees as a paycheck, and often more so.

In fact, Deloitte’s Human Capital Trends report ranked “Belonging” as the top human capital issue facing organizations today. And research from BetterUP shows that creating a culture of mattering for employees increases job performance 56%, leads to a 50% drop in turnover risk and a 75% reduction in sick days.

Teaching has always been a vulnerable profession, with faculty trying to find a sense of stability and voice in an often exhausting, angst filled profession.

Creating an ecosystem of mattering in a demanding profession like teaching communicates that you, the administrator, see your faculty as real flesh and blood people, not just pushers of content or test graders.

Letting your staff know you see them, that they matter, goes a long way towards creating an ecosystem of care that, in turn, fosters the buy in necessary for a healthy working and learning environment for all.

Creating an ecosystem of mattering matters

It matters for the health and well-being of the entire learning community, students and teachers alike.

It matters for the work we are doing to create healthy, robust, flourishing human beings

It matters for the sake of the academic environment every bit as much as for the culture we are shaping

It matters for those in our employ and those with whom we work

It matters because mattering matters to who we are as human beings trying to make our way through this journey of life

READY TO CREATE AN ECOSYSTEM OF MATTERING AT YOUR SCHOOL?

If you would like to take the next step towards seeing that vision come to fruition at your learning site, feel free to reach out! I love working with schools and school leaders who are ready to see education reimagined

From one-on-one dream sessions, to consulting with your team, to sharing at your site, I am passionate about helping you reimagine learning in your educational community.

My work exists to help schools tell a better story for students, educators and the world. If I can help in any way—from workshops, consulting calls, professional development, keynotes, or year long cohorts—let me know!

Check out my website: https://www.drscottamartin.com/

If you would like to see what an ecosystem of mattering looks like in real time, I invite you to check out the work we are doing at Odyssey Leadership Academy.

We do daily mentoring, are learner centered, socially active, and communally aware.

Plus, we eat lots of donuts and play lots of volleyball!

Contact us for a site tour today!

Want a tangible resource for doing something bold and imaginative in education?

Grab a copy of The Edupreneur’s Field Guide. In this book, I bring to you all the wisdom, struggle, insight, hardships, challenges, obstacles, and opportunities I have learned from starting Odyssey Leadership Academy to help you tell a better story in education!